


Poison

by Wonkyun



Series: Changkyuns suffer [2]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Abuse of Authority, Angst, Anxiety, Changkyun centric, Depression, Gen, Hurt, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Lim Changkyun | I.M-centric, Panic Attacks, Suicidal Thoughts, Underage Sex, Victim Blaming, Victim Blaming by the victim
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2018-01-02
Packaged: 2019-02-26 16:04:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13239237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wonkyun/pseuds/Wonkyun
Summary: Sequel to denial.Changkyun knows what must happen. Knows that what is started must be finished. He started the mess by walking into this building and he will finish it by walking out of this building. One way or another.(This is only the second in the series so do not worry. Changkyun will get the love, support and happy ending he deserves. Just not right now)





	Poison

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: implied/referenced rape/noncon  
> Implied/referenced underage  
> Scenes some might find triggering or upsetting. 
> 
> Non-con scene between the ****
> 
> The title was inspired by :  
> Poison- Joy Oladokun
> 
> "You say this is love, but I think it's poison."

Changkyun knew he was falling. There was no other word he could use to describe his behaviour and thoughts ever since that faithfull day he fainted in jinsuns office. He knew that his time was limited, it had been three weeks since his little stunt. They had all been very busy but now they had a week off from schedules starting today, and he knew that the opportunity for questions was nigh. He could practically feel the self hatred and anxiety mixing into a toxic concoction inside his stomach, just waiting to crawl up his throat and spew out of his mouth in the form of words that piece into a dirty secret that he knows will ruin his life. He doesn't expect his band mates to care how he feels, they will look at the facts of the situation and clearly see that he is the one at fault. They will shun him when they finally see him as he is, a dirty slut who played a game he didn't understand and suffered the consequences of his own naivety.

Changkyun gulps as Hoseok bursts into the bedroom he shares with jooheon and minhyuk. Hoseok loudly announcing that there will be a group meeting in the living room in five minutes and to be on time, changkyun chooses to ignore him in favour of staring at the dirty off white ceiling above him as he lays on his bed. He doesn't even want to think of what hoseoks reaction will be like when changkyun reveals his darkest secret like some cheap movie plot filler. Hoseok will most likely feel a mixture of disgust and hatred, all of his previous admiration for the youngest forgotten the moment he learns of the truth. Changkyun knows he can handle a lot, knows that he's been through a lot but the thought of his bandmates reactions make him want to disappear, possibly forever if it meant he would not have to deal with his problems. 

Changkyun counts the cracks in the ceiling and foolishly wishes it would shatter and collapse upon him and end his sorry misery, however changkyun is aware that he does not deserve such a death, he deserves to suffer, and suffer he will , when his secret is broadcast out-loud to his band mates like it does not mean the end of changkyuns dreams and quite possibly his life.

Changkyun sighs loudly and sits on the edge of his bed. He needs to get to the living room soon, it would not be wise to annoy the others right before he divulges in the horrors of his dark past. His fists clenched so hard his knuckles resemble the white cast of his Ill looking complexion. He tries to calm his stomach by taking deep breaths but the action only seems to further his panic when he feels phantom hands encasing his slender throat. Choking him.

*********

Changkyun kneels on the cold wooden floor infront of jinsuns chair, tears streaming down his blotchy cheeks and blood dripping down his split lip. Jinsuns huge cold hands are wrapped around changkyuns delicate and aching throat."You made me do this sweetheart. All you had to do was behave." Jinsun remarks, slowly tightening his grip around his neck and applying pressure to his adams apple. "I know you can do better 'kyun and I promise that I will have you on your knees everyday until you prove your worth" Jinsun sneers with that familiar air of authority and voice full of promise. At this very moment changkyun knows, knows that his life is ruined and it's all his fault. He should have never let it get this far and poisonous. 

Changkyun chokes on a sob, a half apology half plea stuck on the tip of his tongue. He tries to pry the intruding hands off of his throat but is only successful in letting out pained whimpers instead. He feels utterly useless and pathetic. Jinsun must get the wrong idea from the sounds or perhaps he just like to torture changkyun but he turns his cold sneer into a smirk . " You enjoy this don't you, love having my big hands around your pretty little throat, knowing that I'm the one in control, and I always will be ." 

Jinsun removes one of his hands, the other one still heavy on changkyuns heaving and pulsing throat. He runs his free hand through changkyuns sweaty honey blonde hair, pushing it away from his forehead and swiping his thumb over the clear skin of his temples. "You know I only do this to help you changkyun, I only give what is deserved and you were in need of help changkyun, I am helping you." 

Changkyun can only nod as he tries to breath through the slight haze over his mind, he knows jinsun is only helping him but that doesn't make it any less painful, doesnt make him any less dizzy. Hes barely conscious when he feels rough hands on his waist, dragging him off of his knees and leading him over towards the clammy leather couch in the corner of the room. Changkyun can't protest as he feels his eyes drooping shut on their own accord and his mouth going slack as he gives in to the exhaustion and passes out. He is all too aware of the vulnerable position he has placed himself in, and all he can do is hope that whatever jinsun does to him while he is unconscious, is something he will not remember when he awakes.

*******

Changkyun almost falls off of his top bunk with the way his entire body shakes and vibrates in some sort of backwards coping mechanism for the awful flashback he is enduring. He just wants it to go away, wants it to stop because he doesn't think he can handle this for much longer, doesn't think he can take the near constant flashbacks he is experiencing ever since the fainting incident. He wants it to go away, wants to bury it so deep inside himself that he only sees it in his darkest nightmares. Changkyun knows better however, knows that this won't go away because he brought it upon himself , and he has to pay for it now, regardless of the way it feels as if it is slowly killing him from the inside out.

Changkyun takes a deep breath as he climbs down from the bunk and slowly makes his way toward the living room. The rest of his band members are sitting, all cramped together on the worn grey couch, smiling and laughing at each other as they enjoy the peace of each others company. Changkyun feels a pang of guilt, he is going to ruin this, he is going to take their innocence and happiness and tear it to shreds with his sick little secret. He is going to ruin their excitement because he couldn't control himself in the past, couldn't see past a welcome smile on a handsome face. 

Changkyun curses his stupid naive fourteen year old self as he enters the living room, the atmosphere suddenly tense and quite. In the spilt second it takes to make it toward the couch he blames every single moment of his entire life for what is surely a painful conversation to come. If he had just controlled himself better back when it all started than maybe he wouldn't be suffering now. If he had just never walked into that godforsaken building than maybe his life wouldn't be crumbling before his very eyes. If he had just told someone when it started maybe then he wouldn't be the one at fault for every moment after the first. 

 

Changkyun sucks in a deep breath. He knows there is no point in dwelling over what he should and shouldn't have done in his situation, the moment for that was well and truly over. What was started had to be finished and since changkyun started this whole mess by walking into that building than changkyun was going to have to finish it by walking out of the same building. One way or another.

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a fix it for "denial" but I got carried away and this just became more changkyun angst. Do not worry though as I promised changkyun will get the happy ending we know he deserves. (Just not right now)


End file.
